After Shipley’s rampage, I went home and bawled my eyes out.
It was horrible just to fail the course, but it was absolutely devastating being
subjected to her loud, berating tirade. I had already prepared myself
emotionally for the course failure. I was pretty sure after what she had pulled
during my performance check-off that she was going to do whatever she had to do
to fail me. I wasn’t expecting her tirade, however, which took me completely by
surprise.
*D did her best to comfort me while I tried to explain what
Shipley had done. I knew that the next step was to make an appointment with the
chairperson. *D had had the chairperson for NSG 220 and had nothing but
positive things to say about her. She said that she was really “pro-student”
and wanted students to succeed. Even with that in mind, I wrote the
chairperson, Jan, a five-page letter explaining EVERYTHING. I really felt that
I needed to do this, because I was completely caught off guard when Joseph
tried to prove my incompetence a few weeks earlier.
My meeting with Jan was anything but predictable. Up until
this point, I just thought that I had come across two separate people that
lacked in the understanding of ethical and moral behavior. She also had my file
pulled just as Joseph did. The same tacky approach was taken in regards to
proving my incompetence. I gave her an example of a test question directly from
our practice test that showed how unclear the question was (word for word from
our school’s website):
The RN plans to do dietary teaching for the patient with CAD
who select these foods more than 3 times each week. (Select all that apply).
a.
Olives
b.
Sugarless cookies with 3 GM. Transfats
c.
Scrambled eggs
d.
French fries
e.
Spicy salsa
The answers that they had were b,c, and d. The rationale
given for allowing olive consumption is that olive oil is beneficial to the
heart. My argument is that the student needs to know what kind of olives are
being consumed. It is unreasonable to believe that with the information given
that the patient is consuming fresh olives. Most people eat canned olives,
which are very high in salt. People with CAD are taught to follow an American
Heart Association diet, which says to “choose and prepare foods with little or
no salt”.
Her response? “Susan- what is CAD?” The last thing I was
expecting was a quiz so I was a little surprised to say the least. “Ummm… fats
lining the arteries.” Jan said, “Lipids. Lipids are the lab that we evaluate in
patients with CAD. Salt has nothing to do with CAD so your point is moot.” I
didn’t say anything. I wanted to be sarcastic,, because that’s how I like to
roll, but all I said was, “Well, Molly agreed with us and said that the
question could have been written better.” She says, “You say you don’t argue
with instructors but here you are arguing with me”. Seriously? I can’t DISCUSS
rationale at all? Since when is having a discussion considered arguing? She was
obviously not going to listen to anything that I had to say. She went on to say
that I should stop blaming others
and take responsibility for my failures. I started to tear up again. She said
that it was her job to make sure that the testing software was functioning
properly and that she would look into it. Right,
I’m so sure you will, I thought. I left Jan
with the letter below:
3/26/12
To whom it may concern:
I would
like to contest my grade in NSG 222. I have spent too much time at Sinclair to
just give up on my dream of becoming a nurse based on the outcome of one
course. Before going into details, though, I think that it would be beneficial
if I give you a brief history and explanation of my time at Sinclair.
Anatomy & Physiology and
Pharmacology were never very easy for me. Before I started the Nursing Program,
I had nothing to apply them to and found them to be tedious and boring. To be
completely honest, I’ve learned more in my nursing classes in regards to
content than I did during the time in which I was taking those courses. Those
were the only two course subjects that I struggled with. During that same time
frame, I had identified some academic weaknesses and made it a goal to improve.
I knew that I would have performance check-offs in the program, and elected to
take a public speaking class to overcome my “stage-fright”. I also elected to take a few nursing/ pharmacology
courses before entering 221 and 222. I learned a lot in those classes, but
struggled with the final exams, which were full of short-answer questions that
required me to find substitutes for certain drugs and dose them accordingly. I
have to admit, I wasn’t expecting it at all and didn’t answer many of the
questions. Since I was taking it for personal benefit and not a grade, I didn’t
give much thought to “abandoning” those final exams.
1st quarter in the
Nursing Program- NSG 120, 121, Math 109, Micro, and A&P III (17 credit
hours). This was a busy quarter for me. I was in my 3rd trimester
with my 2nd child and worked double shifts on the weekends. I failed
Math 109 and had to retake it during the summer. I was never given a grade for
my final exam, and was told only that I had missed the mark by a few points. At
the time, I was new in the program and didn’t think to question my grade or
question my instructor’s grading methods.
2nd quarter- NSG 122,
123, and Pharmacology. Got a 78 on the first test in 122. After that point,
“Lewis” became my best friend and there was a huge change in my test scores. I
had a wonderful instructor, Tammy, who worked very hard to help her students
succeed. Although she had us do extra assignments, it really helped you to
really understand the content. I also contested many test questions in which
the book said one thing and the test another. There were many times when Tammy
told me that she would “take it back to her peers”. One question was even an
N-CLEX question that was straight out of the book. I asked Tammy if I was going
to get my points for it and she said, “Probably not”. I still passed the
course, but I was pretty upset that my instructor would agree that I had the
right answer, yet I wasn’t getting any points back. On the flip side, I bombed
my first check-off in 123. It was completely unfamiliar territory and I had a
panic attack right in the middle of my check-off. I didn’t even put on my
gloves. I earned only 20 of 50 total possible points. After that, I made every
effort to be successful in subsequent check-offs. I passed my 2nd check-off at 100%
for 123 and passed my 122 check-off the first time. Unfortunately, I still
ended up failing 123 by three points. After losing 30 points on the first
check-off, there wasn’t a lot of room for error. This is also the time during
which I learned that my math instructor was known for mis-grading and that she
also wasn’t supposed to take away points for showing your work different from
how she had taught. Upset, I went to speak with Marcia Miller who told me that
they were aware of the issue and to save my emotional energy since I had
already retaken math during the summer.
3rd quarter- NSG 220. Content
was very detail oriented. My instructor was very nice and helpful. I only
“challenged” one question and I got my point back. I definitely liked that
there was a system in place for students to challenge questions. It really made
you feel that you were being treated fairly. Passed check-off the 1st
time.
4th quarter- NSG 221.
Great instructor. She was very passionate and gave excellent examples. Again, I
only challenged one question. After hearing her rationale, that was the end of
the discussion. My answer didn’t use therapeutic communication technique and I
fully accepted it. I had to repeat the med-identification part of my check-off.
You had to identify what med the pt. should be on for his/her condition out of
a stack of about ten possible meds. The patient had anxiety. The only two
possible meds for anxiety in my stack were Buspar and Librium. The scenario specifically
asked for a benzo and instead, I picked Buspar even though it wasn’t a benzo
because I had assumed that Librium was only used for alcohol detox. Other than
that, everything else about my check-off was fine.
NSG 222- My instructor was nice. She
had incredibly high expectations, and I did my best to meet them. I actively
participated in class. Although I could speak the content pretty good and could
recite my meds fairly fluently during med recall, I was still failing the
tests. It was incredibly frustrating. My instructor was very good about going
over my tests with me. After the first test, I started to challenge the
questions. In some cases I was just wrong, but in other cases my instructor
would tell me that she thought that they threw this question out or that
question out. Other times it would take her six times to read the question and
try to figure out what it was asking, the same number of times that it took me.
A few times she even told me that I was right, but the answer that I had chosen
wasn’t the one that they were looking for. I asked her if they could keep the
scrap paper that we get in the testing center to write down rationale if we
have any problems. She told me that they couldn’t do that. I was really
frustrated. I felt hopeless. My demeanor completely changed. I honestly felt
that I had a handle on the content and that the questions were too vague. Our
entire class looked as if they had been to war. Everyone was struggling. We all
had power points from another instructor and used those as well. There were
some discrepancies, which unfortunately contributed to some missed questions. I
can’t argue another instructor’s notes. Even though I think it would be
terribly disrespectful to do so, it was still unsettling that there were so many
discrepancies, considering that all the students were given the same test
questions. I did good on my EKG test, earning 9.5 out of 10 points. I did have
to take my math test a second time. For check-offs, I had to redo my IV push
and scenario. The only test that I did pass was the final, which I only got an
85% on. My instructor’s biggest issue with me was my process tool. I did try
very hard to navigate Epic and find all of my information. Epic was new to me,
and we didn’t have a lot of time to find things, so I did have missing data.
She also had issues with my plan of care. At the Atrium, patients don’t stay
for very long and my patients were always scheduled to leave that day or the
next. With that in mind, my interventions were only those that reflected their
current state of health, not their admitting diagnosis. Once I figured out that
my instructor wanted a plan of care based on the disease and not the patient,
she was much happier and told me that she was very impressed with my care plan
and the improvement that I had made. Had I known that earlier, I would have
done just that. In regards to my missing data, I refuse to make something up
just to fill in the blank. I’ve been advised by other students to do so and
that the instructors didn’t know the difference, but for me it comes down to
integrity. I don’t want to get in the habit of thinking that it’s okay to make
up stuff I don’t know. I don’t think that it’s a quality that a good nurse
possesses.
My instructor was aware that I had
ADHD. In the beginning of the quarter, I had told her that I was having trouble
getting my prescription filled due to a drug shortage, which was true, but
mostly an attempt to hide my true feelings towards the test questions. She was
very understanding and seemed like she cared a lot. I did everything that I
possibly could, but I still ended up failing the course by about 7 or 8 points.
I felt like I was not only a failure as student, but a failure as a mom as
well. My kids spent many nights away from home for nothing. It truly broke my
heart. My only saving grace was knowing that I wasn’t the only one having
issues. Two, possibly three other students failed in a class of nine.
NSG 222 (2nd attempt)- The
class started out okay. I didn’t talk much. I was still jaded from my first
attempt. Things started to go really bad for me after I challenged a question
on the second test. Prior to starting the quarter, I was advised by others not
to challenge anything with this instructor. Before speaking to my instructor, I
consulted another nursing instructor that I know outside of the program. She
told me that she thought my rationale was good and that I should question it. I
approached the situation very carefully, and was delicate with my choice of
words. The response that I got was anything but reasonable. She said that all
of the answers might be poor but that I needed to figure out what the best
answer was. No ifs, ands, or buts. She wouldn’t listen to my rationale and cut
me off right away. I was shocked to say the least. I pay tuition to come here
every day and work my butt off, not to be treated like a high-school student
who has no choice but to come. I knew going in that she was probably going to
be sarcastic and rude, but I still expected her to at least listen to me.
Before this incident, she hadn’t written much on my process tool. Now all of a
sudden, everything’s wrong and I’m incompetent. Besides not hearing me out, she
wasn’t even reading my process tool. I have two examples specifically of this
in regards to her not reading what was on it, and one good example concerning
my performance check-off. I was given my scenario with no written or verbal
instructions, so I just did what my previous instructor had told me to do. She
said not to worry about the lines, and to just write down what you would do in
order and write your rationale beside it. I had seven actions total, my five
skills and two assessments. I was really trying to be as thorough as possible.
I can’t remember specifics about my scenario, but the short version is that my
patient had CHF and the respiratory therapist is in the room suctioning when I
come in. So first I put “assess lungs and oxygen status” and then I put that I
would give the Lasix IVP and so on. She sees my scenario and sees that I have
seven “actions” and starts to get upset that I didn’t use the five lines. She’s
also only reading it half-asked and starts loudly asking about the suctioning
over and over again. Well, it was last, after my reassessment, and only if it
was needed. She told me redo it only using the five skills. Since she had been
so hyper-focused on the suctioning, I assumed that maybe she wanted me to take
over for the respiratory therapist. So now that’s first on the list and the
Lasix IVP is 2nd. It was wrong. She said that I missed the priority
which was the Lasix and that I have to come back and do another scenario. I
tried to tell her that I had that the first time but she wouldn’t hear me out.
Desperately wanting to get her back on my side, I fumble and fidget and lose my
concentration. I can’t find the tuberculin syringe to do my Heparin skill, so I
grab a 3 mL even though my med was less than 1 mL. Wrong. So I look again, and
I still can’t see it. The only small one left is an insulin syringe. Wrong. I
know this, but I also know that my instructor doesn’t have a high patience
tolerance. Long story short, I really blew it. I was still reeling from the
scenario that she wouldn’t read. I came back the next day and everything was
perfect. I was not under the same amount of stress, which would explain my
ability to function normally.
I got an 80% on the final exam. She
asked what was different about this test that contributed to my higher score. I
told her that I felt that the test questions were pretty clear, which was only
half- true. After I got up and asked her my first question, I could sense that
she was really irritated so I didn’t ask her my other two questions, which I
ended up getting wrong. Even though I knew that I didn’t successfully pass the course
for a second time and that it would result in my dismissal, I still wanted to
go over the questions. I want to know what I’m doing wrong so that I can fix
it. It’s true in every single course. I want to review every test so that I can
get better. I would be concerned if the student didn’t want to review the test.
A student who doesn’t want to know what they’re doing wrong obviously doesn’t
care enough to change. I think that it’s incredibly unfair for me to be treated
that way for the pure and simple fact that I wanted to learn. I think that it’s
strange that I didn’t get my clinical evaluation until after the final. I also
think that she had every intention of failing me for clinical if I had passed
the lecture portion. My clinical evaluation was terrible. She said ( or yelled,
rather) that I was unsafe to administer Heparin (even though I had done it just
fine in clinical), my care plans weren’t specific enough to my patient, my med
recall was terrible, and that a few weeks ago, my partner and I didn’t ask for
a med reconciliation form. She said that it was HIPPA and that it was a patient
safety issue and that it was a big deal that we didn’t ask for it. I told her
that we assumed that there wasn’t one because it wasn’t in our stack of papers.
The real question is, if it was such a huge patient safety issue, why didn’t
she say anything when it happened rather than wait until the last day of class?
That was an issue 3 weeks ago and I had other patients after that. Was she
going to let us keep making the same mistake over and over again?
I was allowed to look at my final
and ask questions about it. At question three, she yells, “I’m not going to sit
here and argue with you about this. If you want to know because you want to
know than fine, but….” I’m not sure why she’s so defensive about the questions,
but some of them are eerily familiar to the way she asks questions. She’s
unwilling to accept that other instructors require different things in regards
to their process tools, and that some instructors even use their own
parameters. She’s made snarky, passive remarks about my ADHD that I haven’t
disclosed to her, which means either that she’s on the Reinstatement Committee,
some faculty members may have some confidentiality issues, or both.
Nonetheless, nothing she said hurt as much as when she told me that I needed to
find a new career, because I wasn’t good enough to be a nurse. I might not be
an “A” student, but I bend over backwards to change something if need be.
After all of this, you may think
the purpose of the above story is to complain about my instructor. Honestly, I
know that complaining is going to get me nowhere in this particular instance.
The whole purpose of the above
story is to show you that I don’t just screw up all the time and that my concerns
were ignored by my instructor. I’m asking for the chance to dispute test
questions. I would like my tests printed out so that I can go through and
identify rationale and references. After spending the last four years here, I
think I deserve the chance to defend myself if I’m being told to get out. In
addition, I would like an instructor who’s non-biased to look at it. I really
believe that the 222 instructors are too emotionally involved, based on my
experiences so far.
Thanks for your time,
Do you think that I received a call in regards to my
harassment claims about Shipley? Nope. If I were the chairperson of the nursing
department, I would want to know dates, times, whether or not there were any
witnesses, ect. Not only was Shipley’s behavior forbidden in the faculty
handbook, so was Joseph’s and Jan’s. At this point I’m pissed. There was
clearly no justice within the nursing department. It was obvious to me now that
these people had all talked about me and were using the same words and phrases,
most notably that I was blaming others for my grades, which I was not. I just
wanted to identify rationale. Period. It took a minute, but the only thing that I have done differently than other students was
voice a safety concern regarding the eye washing. BAM! There it was. They
were pushing me out the door to shut me up and convince me that I was
incompetent so that I would doubt myself and not tell others. It doesn’t sound
like a big deal, but safety is HUGE in nursing and government requirements
(later post).
Again, I went home
and cried. A lot. The crying just made me even more mad, and I decided at that
point that I wasn’t going to let this go. This hasn’t just happened to me, it’s
happened to other people, as well. You hear about these things, but it’s mostly
swept under the rug and people forget about it. The student loses the passion
for their fight and just gives up. Not me. Like Kelly Clarkson says, “What
doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. To be honest, it kind of is killing me
(more on that soon!), but it will be worth it in the end. At the very least, I
won’t have to look back and think, Gee…I
wish I would’ve done something about that…
Next post: They probably shouldn’t have given me so much
time to educate myself about the law and my legal rights.
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