I cried the entire way home from my meeting with Joseph. I was angry, hurt, embarrassed, and ashamed. I obsessed over it for hours before I finally decided to email him (emails are copied and pasted directly from my school’s website).
Joseph,
Thank you for meeting with me yesterday. After getting home yesterday, I started to wonder if I miscommunicated what I was trying to say. I was not trying to say that faculty members were wrong in determining test questions and answers. What I wanted to say was that as a student, it’s difficult to get a test question wrong and later be told that you were right or that the question was poorly written. What makes it even more difficult, is that when you’re taking it in the testing center, there is no one to ask if you have a question. By no means did I want to go in there and belittle your faculty. That’s the last thing that I would even consider doing. Please don’t feel that you have to respond to this email. I’m still trying to “recover” from yesterday’s conversation. I simply wanted to apologize if I there were some things said by me that would give the impression that I’m playing the “blame game”. I hope that you and your family have a nice holiday.
Susan
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Susan
I appreciate the communication. It would have been great to have that meeting with Prof. Molly Roll to clarify those test concerns. Your clinical evaluation was positive and I would hope you will continue and graduate from the Nursing Program. Is it a possibility that you just need more time with the content in Nsg. 222? Enjoy your holidays.
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I can see how one may think that. I will admit to not knwing my meds how I should have for the first test. So in that aspect, yes. I believe that my biggest problem was answering test questions. I had no problem verbalizing or applying content. That being said, there were a few questions that I misread or didn't understand what the question was asking. Molly always told me that I rush through tests. My response to her was that it didn't matter how long I looked at the question, I still wouldn't pick any of the answers exactly how they were written. I would always have a rationale, and sometimes they weren't right, but a lot of the time they were. She also said that I talked myself out of a lot of things. Maybe, maybe not. I just feel like sometimes there isn't enough information given to accurately answer the question. It doesn't mean that I don't know the information. I would do great if the tests were given verbally :)
Susan
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I forgot to say why I don't want to meet with Molly. I don't want to experience the same stress response that I had during that five weeks again if the outcome isn't favorable. It's not because I'm unsure of my rationale, but rather that I don't want to bring personal feelings into the mix that will most likely be repeated to peers and that will ultimately end up hurting my credibility down the road. I understand that this program wants to promote confidentiality, but in my own personal experiences, people talk. It's human nature. Due to the fact that it was only Molly and I reviewing together after each test, it would be difficult for me to argue a point unless I was absolutely positive that others who practice in the field agree with my rationale. Therefore, it would be in my best interest to decline a meeting at this time. I don't have enough courage to stand up and speak out if everyone around me feels differently. I'm sorry that I didn't mention this earlier, but the tone of our meeting suggested that I keep that information to myself. It's always hard being the first person to speak up when they feel like they have been treated unfairly or were at a disadvantage. All I ask is that you please remember that I wouldn't have wasted my time if I didn't feel so strongly about it. It was very hard for me to come to you and say what was on my mind. As a nursing student, I take this program very seriously. I do understand that my past does hurt my credibility. That being being said, you can from my current grades that I strive to do as well as I can to meet Sinclair's standards. At the end of the day, I want to feel as if the time that my kids are away from me is well spent. I can imagine that any parent would feel the same way.
Susan
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No response from the last two emails. He was so persistent about Molly joining us during our meeting but I couldn’t find the words to explain how anxious I was around her. My blood pressure was consistently twenty points higher than what it usually runs, my heart would race, and I had “the shakes” so often that other people noticed. It wasn’t that I didn’t like her necessarily, but I knew that if I had that response again coupled with the complete lack of tact and unwavering hatred for me, I would find the nearest hole I could find and crawl inside and never come out.
I had promised to call *D and *A and let them know how my meeting had gone. They were shocked as well, but their meetings had already been scheduled. I was eager to find out how their meetings went and I spoke to each one right after their meetings. Both reported that their meetings went great. He was attentive, took notes, asked questions… and not once were they subjected to Joseph’s critique of their transcripts. We all had a few academic blemishes, so why was I the only one to be put on the chopping block? I thought about the differences between our meetings for weeks. I eventually came to the conclusion that he was respectful towards them because they were in his age group, and that I’m just some 23-year-old who’s flapping her gums.
My frustration quickly turned into elation when I got the call for reinstatement. Even though I was put into Shipley’s section (she has a TERRIBLE reputation), I was happy just to be reinstated. The first person I called was *D. She was just as excited as I was until we started to talk about her reinstatement. She quickly hung up with me and called the school. The reinstatement committee wasn’t scheduled to meet until a few days before the quarter started. *D and I talked about my stroke of luck for hours before coming to the conclusion that Joseph must have went back and looked at the questions and saw that I was telling the truth. I felt so vindicated. It was short-lived, though.
Next post- She must need hearing aids because she sure as Hell isn’t listening to anything that I have to say
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